


where do we go when we walk on light

by abbyli



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bank Robbery, Confessions of love, F/M, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, doctor!clarke, past clarke/lexa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 18:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11319228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyli/pseuds/abbyli
Summary: “So this pain --?”“It stays with you,” Clarke admits and the boy's face crumbles. “But you get on with it. You learn to put the pain somewhere and function and live and love again. And I did.”“You love Bellamy?”She says the next word without hesitation.“Yes.”(When Clarke is caught in a dangerous situation she lets Bellamy know how she really feels before it's too late.)





	where do we go when we walk on light

[ [song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEnoskNKuto)]

.

Clarke Griffin is pretty sure she’s cursed.

Okay her life has never been easy but this? Yeah this really takes the cake.

Her day had begun like no other. She had a half shift at the hospital and she had just been paid so she wanted to stop by the bank and move some money around. Easy right?

Dead fucking wrong.

So when the kid behind her in line had pulled out a gun and shot at the ceiling, she hit the floor, ducking her head underneath the lean counter of the teller window she was standing at. She chances a glance back at the gunman and sees he’s no more than a boy, probably younger than her.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” the boy says, his voice trembling. Clarke notices the gun is quivering in his hand and she hopes that no wanna be hero is going to try and jump him at this moment. “I just need to know...where is Dr. George Morgan?”

George Morgan. He was a co worker of hers at the hospital. Well not really a co worker since she had never actually _worked_ with the man. He was a big shot in neurology while she was a third year resident in the ER. He had come down to the ER for a consult once and she happened to be in the room at the same time.

“He comes here every Thursday at this time, where the _fuck_ is he?!”

“What do you want with him?!” A scared teller demands and the boy points the gun right in her face.

“Never mind _that_. Just tell me where he is!”

Clarke slowly works her phone out of her scrubs pocket and hits the button on the side. She keeps her eyes trained on the boy, working her fingers over the screen. She sets the phone down and shoves it back into her pocket, upside down, as it begins to ring.

-;

Bellamy pokes his head up from the pillow when his phone rings. His hand reaches for the small device on the night stand, missing it at least twice before he manages to snatch it up.

_PRINCESS CALLING._

Clarke? Why was she calling him? He thought she had an early shift.

He accepts the call and holds the phone to his ear. “Hey Princess, what’s up?”

First he hears nothing.

“Clarke?”

He’s about to hang up when he hears a voice that is definitely not Clarke’s.

“ _If you tell me where Morgan is, no one will get hurt!”_

Then there’s something that sounds like a scream followed by –

_Bang._

A gunshot.

-;

Clarke flinches, covering her head with her hands as the glass from the chandelier begins to rain down upon her and the six other hostages. The boy stares at the gun in his hand for a moment. He looks around at the people, waving his other hand. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that!”

Her temper flares. She deals with young kids like this in the ER all the time. The ones that think they are invincible and nothing can touch them. And yet, they still wind up in her ER, bleeding out from multiple wounds or even...

“I know George Morgan.”

The boy quickly turns, raising the revolver. “You do?” His eyes dart to her green scrub covered legs. “You work at that hospital?”

Clarke nods. “I do.” She swallows at the lump in her throat. “My name is Clarke. I’m in the ER.”

The boy’s eyes narrow and he cocks his head to the side. “Wait a minute. I know you.” He waves the gun to the side like he’s holding nothing more than a pencil. “You’re the lady that helped my wife when we first came in.”

His wife? Clarke wracks her brain, searching for this man’s face in her memory.

And then...

“You’re Nicholas.”

“Bingo! We finally got one.” Nicholas turns on his heel, stomping away four feet and then whirling back around. “You were so nice to my wife. You didn’t brush off her concerns. Do you remember her?” When Clarke opens her mouth and closes it right after, he scoffs. “Of course you don’t. Probably a lucky shot with me, right?”

“Nicholas –“

“Leila!” He snarls and Clarke startles. “Her name was Leila! And George Martin misdiagnosed her with a brain tumor!”

Oh god.

Clarke remembers now.

She remembers a girl, a small girl with long brown hair that had been told she had a two inch tumor on her brain that needed to come out.

Turns out it was a shadow. A _spot._

By the time Morgan was done digging around in her brain looking for that tumor, the girl was a vegetable.

Clarke had seen the scans, she was not convinced it was a brain tumor. The girl was showing all the signs of epilepsy but Dr. Morgan _insisted_ and –

“Oh Nicholas, I am so sorry.”

“Sorry?” the boy repeats. “Sorry doesn’t bring her back.”

Clarke slowly gets to her feet and the gun is suddenly in her face. “Do you really think that hunting down Morgan at a bank where there are witnesses is an answer? Why not a lawsuit?”

“A lawsuit won’t do diddly squat!” Nicholas growls. “How much is that man worth? Millions, right?” Clarke nods. “He could easily pay it off _if_ he lost and go on his merry way. I want to ruin him.”

“And ruin your own life in the process?” Clarke replies. She holds up her hands when the gun begins to quiver again. “Listen to me, I’ve seen kids like you in my ER. Kids that think nothing can happen to them and –“

“Who says that nothing is going to happen to me?”

Clarke gapes. “You want this to be the end?” she asks and Nicholas nods. “That’s bullshit!”

“Hey!” The barrel of the gun is an inch from her face and she bows her head, slowly going back down to her knees. Her phone jostles in her pocket and she prays to god Bellamy picked up. “What the hell do you know? Have you ever lost anyone? Have you ever had someone you loved ripped away from you?”

Her eyes begin to prickle with tears. Her voice is a small whisper. “Yes.”

-;

Bellamy’s in the car with Miller, the phone gripped tightly in his hand like a lifeline. He had seen the news report on his playing television as he had yanked on his boots. A hold up at the Polis National Bank with at least six hostages inside.

Clarke was inside.

“She’s going to be okay,” Miller reassures him as they drive. “Clarke’s smart. She will be okay.”

Bellamy ignores his friend, his free hand gripping the console so tightly his knuckles are turning white.

_“Have you ever lost anyone? Have you ever had someone you loved ripped away from you?”_

_“Yes.”_

His heart skips a beat.

-;

Nicholas looks surprised at her admission, the gun lowering just slightly. “You have?”

Clarke nods. “Yeah...uh I did.”

“Who?” he demands. “Husband? Wife?”

“My fiancee. Lexa.”

The gun returns to his side. There’s a woman crying and it takes Clarke a second to realize that it’s her.

Nicholas is staring at her, waiting for her to continue. So she does.

“She was a police officer. A damn good one.” She almost smiles. “And she was just doing her regular patrol one morning. She got up, kissed me goodbye, and told me to have a good day. The next thing I remember is...she’s being wheeled into my ER.”

Nicholas’s face twists and two tears roll down his cheeks.

Clarke swipes at the steadily flowing tears that are spilling down her face. “I loved her. I loved her so much and we were supposed to be together forever.”

“So you understand –“

“ _No.”_ Her voice hardens. “No I don’t understand.” She lifts her eyes up to look at Nicholas. “I didn’t go and try to kill the man that took her from me. I carried on.”

“How do you do that?” It suddenly occurs to Clarke that Nicholas is actually _asking_ her that question. “How do you carry on? Lexa was your soulmate right?” Clarke dips her head. “What do you do when that soulmate is gone?”

“Who says we only get _one_ soulmate?” Clarke asks. Nicholas’s eyes widen. “Who says we get only one great love?”

“So you have someone else?” Nicholas inquires. “Someone who would miss you if I put a bullet in your head?”

The barrel is touching the back of her head as she sobs. _“Yes!”_

-;

Bellamy’s eyes fall closed. “Miller please drive faster.”

“I’m already breaking eighty-five, Bellamy,” his friend whispers.

“ _So you have someone else? Someone who would miss you if I put a bullet in your head?!”_

_“Yes!”_

Oh god.

He’s going to listen to the woman he loves die over the fucking phone.

 _“Who?!”_ the boy’s voice almost screams. “ _What is their name?!”_

_“Bellamy!”_

-;

She’s sobbing, cowering on the floor. She can’t. She can’t die like this. Not without telling Bellamy...

 _“Bellamy,_ okay?! His name is Bellamy.”

Nicholas is glaring at her, almost daring her to say something wrong. Something that will piss him off and make him shoot her or someone else in this bank.

“Tell me about him.”

When she looks back up, Nicholas’s eyes have softened just slightly. She licks her lips, the back of her hand wiping her face. “He’s my best friend. He’s...”

“Your soulmate?” And Clarke bows her chin. “You really do have two soulmates?”

“You can have many,” she says again. “And he’s...he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He helped me after Lexa died. He was there for me whenever I needed him.”

“He helped you get over Lexa?” Nicholas asks and Clarke shakes her head.

“No. You never get over the loss of people you love, Nicholas.”

“So this pain --?”

“It stays with you,” Clarke admits and his face crumbles. “But you get on with it. You learn to put the pain somewhere and function and live and love again. And I did.”

“You love Bellamy?”

She says the next word without hesitation.

“Yes.”

-;

Tears spring to Bellamy’s eyes and he leans his head back on the seat.

For the first time in many years, he begins to pray.

-;

A stubborn sob escapes her lips. “I love him so much. He’s...he’s half of my heart.”

The gun shakes.

More tears fall onto her lips. “Please Nicholas. Please, you have to believe me. You do find hope again. You find love again. You try _again.”_

Nicholas cocks his head slightly to the side. His tongue snakes out, licking his cracked lips. He seems to be choosing his next words very carefully and then...

“If you could have Lexa back with you right now what would you do?”

“Alive forever?” Clarke asks and he nods. “But Nicholas, that’s not how it works –“

“Suppose it does!” He yells and Clarke quickly shakes her head.

“No! You can’t think of the what if because then that drives you mad!” she shouts back. “I can’t think of the ‘if I can have Lexa back’ because it’s never going to happen! She’s gone!”

“And so’s my wife!”

“But not completely!” Clarke says quickly. “Nicholas, Leila is always with you. As Lexa is always with me.”

“So you believe in that God shit?”

“No I don’t believe in that _God shit,”_ Clarke snaps. Nicholas raises a brow. “I believe in living for those we lose.” He opens his mouth to rebut and she hammers ahead. “I believe in the love of those we lost remaining with us as long as _we_ live.”

Nicholas is staring at her again but this time, he’s gazing at her like she holds the keys to the universe. She gets to her feet and holds out a hand.

“Please...”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry Clarke.”

The safety on the gun is suddenly released and Clarke’s life begins to splash in front of her eyes.

-;

_Her mom’s laughing at one of her dad’s silly jokes._

_Raven’s blowing up another thing in science lab._

_The brunette beauty holds out her hand. “Hi. I’m Lexa.”_

_Bellamy slaps her with a snowball, the ice cold snow skating down her front. Her teeth begin to chatter and she leaps up, jumping on Bellamy’s back and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Just for that, you owe me a piggyback ride.” He laughs, adjusting her knees more securely at his sides._

_Her diploma slipped into her hand. “Congratulations,_ Dr. _Griffin.”_

_Twenty six candles on the cake are blown out with one puff. She’s always had strong lungs._

_Jasper stretched out on her sofa, singing ‘On The Good Ship, Lollipop.’_

_“Clarke...will you marry me?”_

_She slowly slides off her engagement ring and slips it onto a long silver chain. “I love you, Lexa.”_

_Bellamy lightly punches her shoulder, his goofy grin reminding her of a golden retriever. “I kinda dig you, princess.”_

_She laughs, punching him back. “I dig you too, Blake.”_

_-;_

Bellamy hears the gunshot first. Miller heard it too and the two men stare at each other for a full five seconds.

Then the line goes dead.

They’re at the bank. The parking lot is already jammed with police officers and ambulances, news vans are everywhere. He throws himself out of the car before Miller can even stop it, running towards the police line.

“ _Clarke!”_

-;

She’s kneeling over the boy’s body when Bellamy charges through the door, two police officers right behind him. Her arms are bare, coated with blood as she holds her bunched up jacket to the gaping wound on the boy’s head. The other hostages are clutching each other, sobbing out their relief and fear.

It’s finally over.

He reaches her side in three long strides and he can see she’s crying. “I tried,” she gasps. “I tried Bellamy. I tried.”

“I know. I know you did Clarke,” he whispers.

“Ma’am –“ A police officer is talking to her, trying to pull her away from the boy. “Ma’am we need to take the suspect now.”

“ _Nicholas,_ ” she whispers, falling into Bellamy’s chest. “His name was Nicholas.”

-;

The sunlight is blinding.

Clarke looks up to the sky as they walk out of the bank, Bellamy’s arms tightly around her.

There’s a bird flying above. She thinks it’s a pigeon, she’s not sure.

 _Rats with wings,_ her father had called them. Clarke cracks a smile, almost chuckling.

“Clarke.”

Bellamy’s eyes are like two pools of hazelnut coffee. She reaches up a trembling hand, resting her fingers against his cheek. “Bellamy.” His name. His name is so sweet on her lips.

“Clarke,” he whispers again and she could listen to her name coming from his mouth forever. “I love you too.”

She smiles again, this one real and hopeful. “Take me home.”

Bellamy nods, his mouth brushing against her forehead. “Let’s go.”

.

.

Where do we go after death?

Do we disappear? Do we cease to exist like we have never been born?

That thought is kind of depressing because then, what’s the point of being here in the first place?

Clarke hopes there’s a place after death. A memory, a wish, a dream that we lay in, forever free from pain and surrounded by nothing but joy.

She knows for sure that the ones that are gone, they never truly leave.

The love remains forever.

.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this was an emotional rollercoaster. Please leave reviews.


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